What truly dysregulates highly sensitive, ADHD, and neurodivergent children’s nervous system
- Isabelle De Lichtervelde
- Nov 6
- 4 min read
Updated: Nov 7
And how to help your child feel safe, confident, and regulated from the inside out.
Many parents search for answers every day.
How do I help my child manage their emotions? How do I support my ADHD child to handle big feelings? Why is my highly sensitive child so easily overwhelmed?
If you are a parent of a sensitive or neurodivergent child, you know how intense their emotional world can be. You also know how exhausting it is to watch your child struggle with anger, meltdowns, anxiety, or sensory overload.
Most advice focuses on what we usually associate with dysregulation:
too much sensory input
lack of downtime
transitions
school pressure
social overwhelm
screen time
sleep challenges
All of this matters, of course.
But there is something deeper. Something very few people talk about. And it is often the number one factor that keeps a sensitive or neurodivergent child stuck in a dysregulated state.
This deeper factor is the feeling that who they are is not enough.
The hidden reason a sensitive or neurodivergent child struggles to regulate
Below the surface of the meltdowns.
Below the ADHD impulsivity.
Below the anxiety.
Below the sensory overwhelm.
There is a subconscious belief forming inside the child:
There is something wrong with me.
I should be different.
I should be less sensitive.
I should be calmer.
I should focus better.
If I were more like the others, things would be easier.
Highly sensitive and neurodivergent children receive these messages everywhere:
school environments built for neurotypical learning styles
behavioural expectations that ignore a sensitive nervous system
comments like “you’re too much” or “why can’t you just listen”
peers who don’t understand their sensitivity
teachers who unintentionally shame their reactions
a society that rewards speed, performance, and emotional control
Because sensitive children are more perceptive, more intuitive, and more attuned to emotional subtleties, they pick up these messages incredibly fast.
And they internalise them even faster.
Why this is so deeply dysregulating
A child’s number one emotional need is to feel loved and accepted for who they are.
Not for how well they behave.
Not for how calm they are.
Not for how well they cope.
Simply for who they are.
When a child senses that their true self is not fully accepted, the nervous system shifts into a chronic state of alert.
It sounds like this inside their body:
I am not safe being me.
I need to change myself to fit in and be accepted.
For a highly sensitive or neurodivergent child, this is profoundly dysregulating because their nervous system already processes more information, more emotions, and more sensations than others.
So when you add the pressure of “I should not be who I am”, their system goes into overwhelm.
This is when you see:
emotional outbursts
shutdowns
anxiety
anger
defiance
perfectionism
people pleasing
bedtime anxiety
low self esteem
These behaviours are not the problem.
They are the signal.
Why these beliefs form so early in sensitive and neurodivergent children
Between birth and age 7, the subconscious mind absorbs everything.
There is very little filtering.
Very little rationalisation.
Very little separation between “me” and “the world”.
So when a child repeatedly receives messages like:
“be calmer”
“stop overreacting”
“you’re too sensitive”
“try harder”
“focus”
“you should know this by now”
their subconscious concludes: I am not ok as I am. Love and belonging depend on how well I behave.
And from that moment, their nervous system stays on guard.
This is what truly dysregulates them.
How I help children heal these beliefs at the root
At Sakura, I use a double approach:
subconscious work
conscious work: coaching for both children and their parents
Together, these create life changing shifts for sensitive and neurodivergent children.
Working with the subconscious mind
I use a gentle, research based method called SleepTalk. Every child can benefit from it, and it is particularly effective for children with anxiety, emotional dysregulation, ADHD, autism, or other forms of neurodivergence, as well as children who struggle with low confidence or big emotional reactions.
Parents learn to speak directly to their child’s subconscious mind while the child sleeps. This is when the subconscious is open and receptive. This method gradually replaces limiting core beliefs with secure, loving ones:
I am loved.
I am safe.
I am enough.
Nothing about me needs to be fixed.
I belong.
I am accepted.
For a sensitive child, these messages are like giving oxygen to a nervous system that has been holding its breath for years.
Parents see changes in a few weeks: more calm, fewer meltdowns, more confidence, improved sleep, and a much easier family dynamic.
Coaching children and parents to build inner safety and emotional resilience
Alongside subconscious work, I support children in:
understanding their sensitivity
discovering their strengths
recognising their talents
understanding their needs
learning how to meet those needs
building emotional skills
learning tools to regulate big emotions
learning what calms their nervous system
I also coach parents to understand their child’s behaviour, regulate their own nervous system, and create a home where every child feels safe being who they are.
This conscious work helps build inner safety, resilience and confidence.
And this changes everything.
When a sensitive or neurodivergent child finally feels safe being who they are
Their whole body exhales.
Their nervous system relaxes.
Their emotional world becomes easier.
They cry less.
They recover faster.
They connect more deeply.
They gain confidence.
They sleep better.
They feel safe in their own skin.
Because the moment a child stops fighting who they are, they finally feel free.
This is the foundation of true regulation.
And it is the foundation of all the work I do at Sakura.
If you want to support your sensitive, neurodivergent child to thrive, I would love to support your family.
You can book a free Discovery Call here
Together we can help your child feel safe, confident, and deeply at home within themselves so that their whole nervous system can breathe again.
With Love
Isabelle
Comments